Riding the wave of emotions during lockdown
I don't know about you, but the feeling of being trapped or stuck in a negative experience, or overwhelming wave of emotion can be a terrifying feeling. We are as a nation experiencing a situation unfamiliar to us all. The COVID-19 lockdown means most of us are required to stay in our homes, separated from those we love, and for many having to wrestle with uncertainty and our own minds. It can be tough, but there is a way to manage.
As I have continued to walk alongside people as a counsellor this past month (although virtually), the themes have been much the same…. The fear of stopping because of what might surface in our minds...be it; anxiety, loss, grief, traumatic memories, cravings, uncertainty, the list goes on. Not only are people confronted by these difficult internal experiences, we also have fewer options for distraction at the moment.
I used to think that if I became overwhelmed by how I was feeling, if I stopped and took a pause I would never be able to come out of it, the feeling would go on forever and I would not survive. I learnt and have watched countless others also learn that this just isn't true, the feeling will subside and you can manage it.
An analogy that has often got me through is the one of ‘riding the wave’. Sometimes how we feel or the distress going on in our minds can appear like a massive wave heading right for us to leave us washed up and unable to function again. But what if it wasn't... what if there was something we could do, a way of being that allowed not only to survive but to come out safe on the other side.
I want to share with you five steps that have helped me and those I have worked with, and can help you; to ride the wave of emotion when it comes.
Stop: Wherever you are, take a moment and stop, pause and take a deep breath in, pause for four seconds and breathe out slowly (preferably diaphragmatic breathing). Repeat five times.
Identify: Now see if you can name what emotion it is that you’re feeling. If that is too hard, see if you can notice what your mind is telling you… and say “My mind is telling me _________e.g. “I am never going to get through this/over this”
Notice: Shift your attention and notice firstly your feet on the floor, then see if you can name five things you can see around you, three things you can hear and anything else you can notice using your five senses. See, hear, feel, smell and taste.
Reassure yourself: Repeat this phrase or phrases such as this “This is a wave of ………….(fill in the blank of the feeling you identified) and it will pass.. all waves peak and then they have to come down...I am riding the crest of the wave but it cannot last forever, this will pass”. You may also like to come up with another helpful phrase that will help bring reassurance such as “ I have been through this feeling before and I survived, I can do it again”.
Redirect your attention: Find an activity to distract yourself with, something to help shift your mind and what it is focussing on. Note; if it is intense and no activity or task is working as a distraction, try a cold shower or putting your hand in a bucket of ice water for 30 seconds, this will jolt your mind out of the hamster wheel it is stuck on.
Repeat as needed. This is about strengthening your mind, and gaining control. Keep at it, and each time you will feel and become stronger the more you practice riding the wave.
Whatever you are going through right now, whatever is threatening to overwhelm you, know that there is hope and you are not alone.
If you are struggling right now, it’s ok to reach out to someone you feel safe with, we should all do so especially in times like these. If you cannot think of who that might be I encourage you to get in touch with someone who is here to support you on the numbers listed below.
My hope for you is that these few ideas & techniques may help in supporting you to get through whatever it is is you are facing right now.
Keep an eye out for my next blog and feel free to share with whoever you know might need this right now.
Kia Kaha,
Melissa
Free call or text 1737 (24 hours a day) to speak to a trained counsellor
Or you or someone you know would like to make an appointment or discuss counselling options, you can contact me here, I would love to talk with you about how I can support you at this time.